Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
