we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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