I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
