Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
