i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i wish my penis had a tongue
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
