Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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