You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
