My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize