then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize