maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
