Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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