I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
