I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
