If that was your dad, he is hot
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
