Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention