I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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