Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
