Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
