youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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