matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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