meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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