I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize