I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
