So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Houston, we have a blender
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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