Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You pole danced in your parka.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
