i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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