You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
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Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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