I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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