I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
