My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
