SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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