He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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