For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
