I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
