so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
