i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
