im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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