I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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