apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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