I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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