ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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