so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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