Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
