i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
