i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
