babies were throwing up all over the place
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
