This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
