Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
