Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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