I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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