Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
