i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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