if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
