Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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