someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
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