So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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