I'm really into asian looking animals
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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