Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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