did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
sex in a hospital.. check
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
