My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
