So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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