brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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