Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
