am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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