He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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