So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
