sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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