This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
