It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
