DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
