I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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