So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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