There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
