A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
40s are totally the cure
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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