Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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