love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
